


Your Face is a Wreck!

by Lesetoilesfous



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 05:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4378622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesetoilesfous/pseuds/Lesetoilesfous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set post S1 E25, just after the Zoldyck family arc. Little bit of head canon filler/ fix it fic. Canon compliant violence and discussion of abuse.</p><p>'Killua hisses as he passes over a particularly deep lash, its edges are frayed and it cannot have been made by a regular whip. Gon’s fist clenches around the cloth, and warm water runs out between his fingers. He’s heard of such things in dark corners from cruel people, but never seen them. His next word breaks in two and he sounds far more like the child both of them are supposed to be than either of them ever do.</p><p>"Why?" '</p><p>Killua and Gon discuss what happened to him at the Zoldyck mansion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Face is a Wreck!

"So what happened to your face?"

 

Killua snorts, rolling onto his side so he’s facing Gon, sitting at the head of the bed they’re sharing. "What happened to yours?"

 

Gon grins, winces, and rubs the back of his neck. "I was trying to get past your friend."

 

Killua raises an eyebrow. He’s silent until Gon opens his eyes to look at him. "What?"

 

"I don't have any friends. You’re the only one."

 

Gon hums, looking upwards and tapping his chin. "Really? Her name was Canary. And I think Leorio and Kurapika are your friends, too."

 

Killua’s expression stiffens, and his mouth flattens into a thin line. "I asked her. She said no."

 

"And you don’t think your family had anything to do with that?" Gon asks the question casually. Killua stares. Then he blushes, kicks himself mentally, and buries his face in the pillow.

 

"That might also have been a possibility."

 

Gon giggles. "You’re weird. I don’t blame you though. Your family is weirder."

 

Killua grunts. Gon glances at him sidelong, and when he next speaks it’s a little quieter, a little softer than usual. "So what happened to yours?"

 

Killua rolls onto his back and shrugs. The lacerations on his torso don’t bother him, much. He doesn't notice Gon catching his hesitation. "Just punishment. It wasn't that bad, really. Though brother was pretty pissed at me for stabbing him." He grins, and it only dims when he notices Gon’s expression. It’s a little known fact about his friend, he’s coming to realise, that when he’s most emotional he’s least emotive. When Gon is angry, or frightened, his expression settles and straightens. Killua, on the other hand, is mercurial, able only to maintain a facade in real danger or unreal emotion.

 

So he’s surprised, now, that Gon is staring quietly down at the foot of their bed.

"Gon?"

 

He snaps out of it and smiles. "Sorry. I was just thinking." He pauses, eyes running over Killua’s shoulder, and then he claps his hands.

"Want to have a bath? I can wash your back, if you like? Bet there’s places you couldn't reach!"

 

Killua is briefly nonplussed, but he shrugs and acquiesces. "Ok?"

 

Gon bounces off the bed, grabbing Killua’s (damaged, covered) arm and lifting him up without difficulty. This is partly because Killua lets him, swinging with the momentum and settling lightly onto his feet. For a second it’s like they’re dancing. Then Gon is half racing to their en suite, not that there’s enough space to pick up speed, and all Killua can do is follow, laughing.

 

"Since when does being clean concern you so much?"

 

Gon hums, pausing in pulling off his jacket. "Well, it was a long journey." He giggles. "Although actually getting from your front door to your house took much longer than the flights and roads."

 

Killua smirks as he pulls off his jumpers and kicks off his trousers. "You didn't get to my house." Gon freezes and then sighs, shoulders slumping as he twists the tap for the bath.

 

In his boxers, Killua wanders back out of the bathroom to grab his bag. He returns a moment later to Gon, looking pensive again as he watches the tap. He unscrews the lid of the bottle he’s holding and pours some of its contents into the water. Gon’s nose twitches and he turns to Killua, eyes widening.

 

"Whoa! What's that?" He takes a long breath as the liquid, a deep dark green, twists and bubbles in the hot water. It smells like lemongrass and peppermint, and fills the little space of their hotel en suite, mixing with the steam that's already begun to fog the mirrors.

 

Killua smiles. "It’s something Gotoh gave me. It makes your muscles relax and helps you heal. It’s good when you’re travelling."

 

"I like Gotoh." Gon says it much more seriously than Killua thinks the occasion demands, still staring at the tap and tentatively dipping his fingers into the water, hissing before adding some cold. "Though I’m still annoyed he tricked me."

 

Killua snorts. "Told you you’d kick yourself."

 

For a moment they sit and just listen to the bathtub filling, breathing in the scented steam. Killua smiles at Gon, who stares at the running water for a few moments longer before reaching out and twisting the taps which creak and then fall silent. The quiet swells, and presses against the damp kissed tiles.

 

"How did you get those?"

 

Killua glances down at himself, curiously, at the long red welts and scabs that wrap around his arms, legs, and torso. They overlap a network of pink and silver, older marks. Sometimes he wonders whether he’s got more scar tissue than unblemished skin. It wouldn't surprise him.

 

"I told you, I was punished."

 

"By your brother?" Gon’s voice is hoarse. Killua frowns, shrugging, staring at the bath mat.

 

"Well, yeah, I said that. What’s this -" He pauses mid sentence because Gon is there, fingers running feather light beneath the welts, as if he’s something breakable. Killua’s frown deepens.

 

"They whipped you." It's not really a question. Killua would be surprised if it was.

 

"Well, yeah." Gon’s hand moves and Killua wriggles, grinning as he hits a ticklish spot.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

Gon’s expression is still flat, voice still quiet. The steam sinks and rises around them. "What else did they do?"

 

Killua huffs, turning away, and pretends to ignore Gon’s intake of breath on seeing his back. "Whatever’s up with you, I’m taking this bath."

 

He drops his shorts and slips inside, sighing happily as the warm water wraps gently around his aching body. It wasn't difficult for him to stand in the chains, not compared to what else his family has made him do, but that didn't mean it was comfortable.

 

There’s a rustle and a splash as Gon gets in behind him,the water rises and rocks around them. Killua turns and frowns at his friend, whose resting his chin on his knees and staring at the bubbles on the bath’s surface. "Come on. Why are you so quiet? Did Canary say something?"

Gon shakes his head. Killua huffs."Then what?"

 

Gon’s eyes skip up to his face and then back down, not to the water,but to his ribs, just visible above the water’s surface.

 

"What else did they do?" His voice is quiet. Killua scowls.

 

"Why does it matter so much?"

 

Gon’s mouth turns down and for an utterly horrifying moment in which the sweat chills on the back of his neck he thinks he’s going to cry. "Please, just tell me Killua."

 

He sighs, noisily, and turns around, deliberately splashing and staring at the chipped tiles in front of him. "Fine! I was kept in solitary confinement from when I got back. Which means I was chained in one of our cells. Position was standard. Arms above my head, feet together, not touching the floor. Easy. My brother, Milluki, whipped and beat me everyday. On the first day he used a knife, too, because mother allowed it. I wasn't given food but I was given water, twice a day. Then my father gave me permission to leave, so I broke the chains and did. The end."

 

All the while he’s been scrubbing his arms and torso with a cloth, pretending that he’s not flinching and that the water isn't going pink. When he’s done, Killua tosses a look over his shoulder at Gon. He’s still staring straight ahead, with his chin on his knees and his shoulders around his ears.

 

"What?"

 

"Why didn't you break the chains before?"

 

Killua shrugs. "It was punishment. I knew that when I got back. And I felt kind of bad about stabbing my brother." He pauses. "I knew it was the cost of leaving. It’s just how my family works." He stops again, mouth dry, glancing at Gon and then away, and shrugs one shoulder. "Besides. If I hadn't let them do that they’d have forced me to endure something worse. They might." He swallows, loosely wrapping an arm around his leg. "They might have had Illumi punish me."

 

Gon stares, but he says nothing. Then he takes the cloth Killua has offered and shuffles forward, a little, beginning to tenderly, tenderly wash away the blood and dirt on Killua’s back. It’s a relief. He hasn't had the chance to wash it properly since he left. He guesses that’s why Gon was so quiet.

 

Killua hisses as he passes over a particularly deep lash, its edges are frayed and it cannot have been made by a regular whip. Gon’s fist clenches around the cloth, and warm water runs out between his fingers. He’s heard of such things in dark corners from cruel people, but never seen them. His next word breaks in two and he sounds far more like the child both of them are supposed to be than either of them ever do.

 

"Why?"

 

Killua frowns at the wall, uncomfortable despite himself. "Because I ran. Because I stabbed my mother and brother." He hesitates, bites his lip, swallows. "Because I made a friend."

 

Gon freezes. The silence grows around them, broken only by the rocking water and the drops from the cloth he’s holding. "This happened to you because of me?" His voice wobbles and cracks and Killua turns, seeing the tears already rolling down his face. Gon still has the cloth in his right hand but Killua doesn't care. He’s shaking his head and blushing for both of them.

 

"No no, idiot, stop it, please don’t do that! No. I chose you, you didn't know, and besides that it was worth it." Killua grabs Gon by his shoulders, still pink, the ends of his hair damp and clinging to his neck and shoulders. His wounds are pink and red in the water. "It was worth it. Besides, this is nothing." He waved at the long welts and bruises on his arm. "I’ve had much worse."

 

Gon looks up to meet his gaze and his eyes are shining but his voice is low, and firm, and full of fury. "From them."

 

Killua blinks. "Well yeah, but it was training."

 

Gon shakes his head. "It doesn't count. Killua, if they hurt you, it’s not ok."

 

Killua exhales. "That's what you're worried about? I can take it. It’s made me who I am. All my family ever wanted was the best for me."

 

Gon is shaking his head and he reaches out and takes Killua’s cheek in the palm of one hot, damp calloused hand. Killua goes very still. His chest lifts and falls like a butterfly’s wing, trembling. "It doesn't matter. They had no right to hurt you. You didn't deserve it and you didn't need it."

 

He shakes his head, leaning back, mouth pulling down and eyebrows pushing up. "You don’t know that." He attempts a snort. "You’re just a kid. You’re my age."

 

But Gon is looking at him, solemn and sincere in the way that only Gon can. "I do know that. They shouldn't have hurt you, ever, and definitely not like that. And if they loved you properly they wouldn't have done."

 

Killua is shaking and he’s not sure why but his back is pressed against the end of the bath and his cheeks are hot. "How can you possibly know that? Different people think different things."

 

"Mito-san would never chain me up. She’d never whip me. She’d never starve me. She never has and she never will because she loves me." Gon says it fervently but Killua is still shaking and he gets with difficulty to his feet and the water that runs down his arms is pink with blood. When Gon finishes, he snaps.

 

"I know they don't love me!" He rubs at his eyes with the back of his hand, angrily. "I mean wasn't that obvious?" His voice breaks and he gets out of the bathtub the bathroom in one fluid motion. By the time Gon has caught up with him he’s got his bedclothes on and any tears that may or may not have fallen in the interim are long since swept away.

 

He opens his mouth, ready to continue, when Gon barrels into him, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing his face into his shoulder, and his cheeks are damp but Killua can’t tell if it’s from the bath or tears or both. Gon’s grip is almost too tight and Killua ignores it, focusing instead on not trying to break it. Which is when Gon says, sniffing, into his shoulder. "I love you."

 

He remains frozen, arms out, for a moment. Then, hesitantly, with a look of wonder under the flickering fluorescence of their hotel room’s light, Killua gently, gently wraps his arms around Gon. They stay like that for a moment: Gon quiet, Killua perplexed. Then Gon pulls back to stare into Killua’s eyes with as much ferocity and determination as he’s ever seen in his friend. "I won’t ever let them hurt you again."

 

Killua bites his lip against saying that he could try. Instead he huffs, rolls his eyes and, blushing, gently pushes Gon away. "You’re so weird."

 

He falls into bed, pulling back the ratty beige blanket on the duvet and wrestling the sheet away from the mattress to sleep beneath it. It’s a hot night, but neither of them wants to sleep with the window open. The bed springs creak as Gon gets on, too. And then he’s rolling closer to Killua, who’s scowling. "Seriously? This is my side of the bed."

 

"I know." Tentatively, slowly, and gently enough it would take Killua barely a breath to push him away, Gon slides his arms around Killua’s waist, pressing himself gently against his back.

 

"Why." Killua’s question is flat and, he thinks, a good cover for the expression he's currently wearing.

 

Gon presses his nose against Killua’s shoulder and shuts his eyes. Killua can feel the tickle of his eyelashes on his skin. "I told you. I love you." There’s a pause whilst Killua waits, and then Gon sighs and wraps his legs around Killua’s. "I need to know you’re safe. I don't think I’ll sleep if I don’t."

 

Killua rolls his eyes at the chipped plaster of their hotel walls. But he doesn't pull away. And if, with a tremble, a tear or two breaks free when he shuts his eyes and consciously, muscle by muscle, relaxes into the warmth of an affectionate hold, well. Gon never mentions it.

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt, publicly at least, at writing the sunshine murder children as, well, children. Hope you approve! My emotions towards Killua's abuse are substantial and complex, but I find it hard to imagine Gon wouldn't notice his wounds, considering how much they're living in each other's pockets at this point.
> 
> As for the 'I love you', you're welcome to interpret it however you want, but though I do think they're romantically in love in the way that first loves are, this is more meant to represent the familial, platonic, selfless side of that love. The kind of love that means they just want to be close, and warm, and safe with one another. I guess.
> 
> Oh man, also! I do think the Zoldycks love Killua, dearly, in their way. And I think he knows that. But I also think that this stuff can be complicated and confusing, and that a 12 year old might feel distressed or angry or betrayed. But yeah. That's more about his temper than the reality, at least as I understand it.


End file.
